an evening with WEREWOLF

tuesday - not bad.
but, suddenly ada changes kat tempat kejer, so kene follow la.
agak beban tapi tengokla dulu macam mana... apa2 pun boleh bincang kan?
first time hari ni ada dua orang student nurse dari OMAN tag with me- kesian diorang, i cant teach them much as i need to supervised one of my junior yang x sampai sebulan kejer, and ada student nurse dari unity college, and i ada patient to jaga myself. so- buat apa yang termampu laaa....
dat OMAN's stn was fine, when i asked them how's the technologies in OMAN, they said it almost the same, but they didnt use flowchart anymore. all in computer. well - we just started using computer, but we still chart in flowchart. i tink the surgeons think that there's soooo many things that they can rely on flowchart. it was not perfect and not that convenience. mebbe, and sometimes it was not link to each other, so susahlaa... masa buat trial pun still ada yang tak link. macam mana kan??
that unity girl did help me, not much but she's a good helper :) hehehehe...
then, i've to confront with some conflicts and dramas and.. arghh... dont wanna tell la.. so fcuking sux . argument on the phone. , high pitched of voice tone, curse words... tears.. hermm... god knows why.
anyway, post traumatic melodrama moment was awesome, cant tell.. toooo beautiful to share. hahahahah. it was like bella and jacob, no matter what, they always need each other.

ps: wicked tuesday !

It hurt so bad
Every words
Every s i n g l e words
God help me

129

pagi bersama 129, awesome!
cvvh + swan ganz + IABP
Lya + VAD .. been left alone for 3hours straight.. hahhaha
(so the rumors was right isn it? - that u surely gotto do all the stuffs alone )
whatever it is ...
it was a good MONDAY...
i fall asleep the whole evening.. hohohoho
heaven
woke up at 11.55pm
the first thing i do - check my FB..
Jill was around, so i buzz her...
Jill is getting marry- dia da gie kursus kahwin ( dia cakap best )
hahahaha
Jimbo sms me- lya teman dia jumpa dr. as he was sick.
( im happy for you JIMBO )
i have the idea of JIM + LYA together.. i dont know why ..




they met at SEOUL, and here.... so many things happened between them + me laa.....
it was like a fairytale jugak, if things work out for them ..
both are good people, they meant for each other..
but who knows.. God Will... again QUE SERA SERA

ps: aku doakan yang terbaik untuk korang .. happily ever after :)
my own fairytale? i wonder..~~

2.30AM , MAR 21

nowdays
it is hard to fall asleep at night
especially when the time passed 12midnight
am i having a sleeping disorder?
or
there's sooo many things in my head
and myself, my body, my brain canT stop respond to it
till im too exhausted thinking about it
then only
i fall
asleep
in times when i face difficulties
i turn to KEN, his voice very soothing
i can feel the soul that he put in every song that he sang
the sound of it..
was beautiful for me
yesterday night, was a big night.. there was a fight..
and it ended up
quite BAD.. i let it happened sooo many times.. that last night
i just cant ACCEPT it anymore.. so ...
as it is ...

p/s the above pic. is KEN HIRAI

A N O N Y M O U S

dear you,
i dont know how to tell this,
i know u r a good guy, but that doesnt mean you can say anything you want..
i know im just a girl for you, i know that you do deeds a lot more than me,
i didnt ask much from you.. cant you just respect me for who i am...
saying harSh words, look down at me , fine! i can accept that, but, why you didnt said the same damn thing to others who do rubbish worse than me? why is that?
sometimes you play nice to me, the next day, you dont even notice im around...
okay, again... iM fine with that ...
you ve been doing this since i know you... but sadly.. it happened only to me..
not to other girl you met, not to other BITCH...
just me...
despite that ....
my friend,
i never treat you wrong, never i say bad about you to others...
even when you smack me on my FACE in front of others like i have no dignity ....
im still gonna be your friend. .
it just that i dont understand..
WHY ME ?

it was SUMMER

i HATE this feeling!!!!!!!
why cant u listen? why cant you just, at least back me up, stand up for me !! damn, u said u care for me .... but u chose others than me.. so, whats that really mean? is that how much it cost to love me? let them smack me HARD and HARSH and u sat there do nothing!!!.... im sick n tired of this fucking SHIT !! i HAD bare for a very long time ... and now, i explode myself... u dont care!! u just DONT !!!!!! I HATE IT !!!!!
devastated, hated, angry ... but actually .. im feeling sooo SAD, fucking sad !! why is this happening to me? babe, i stood up for you , always.... u do shit to me, im still around. i know i do SHIT a lot more than you... ask urself why ??????????????
nothing gonna change i guess.... should i go away? should i just give up ? this? i dont know what to do ... i just dont know ..
is this what i have to pay, for being here, being there, everytime you need me ... be your friends, be a person that you can rely on... but ... im just not good enough !!.. bla bla bla... you got your own reason for doing things uve did.. ha ha ha .......
i HATED MYSELF FOR THIS !!!!!!!!!!!

H u g s

She hug me
And kiss me
They love me
I love them too
A l w a y s

SSDD

"i do this coz u did that and u said u do dis coz i did dat"

so what makes u so different than me?

p/s im still around

S 3 1 V W

i dont understand of the way how people treating me
they either too cruel
too heartlesS ( not for maha 740 )
or too rigid
or
am i too nice
too kind
too strong
well not really
" i dont buy your cry, u gonna be ok later "
what? am i supposed to feel so sad the whole time ke?
if you can divert your feelings, ME too..
if you need to look happy... well i need too
we play the same game..
remember?

on NIGHT mode

NIGHT SHIFT... is the BOMB! ... i love night shift. anything could happen. from code BLUE to no code at all.... difficult, yet challenging. normally for fresh case... and complicated case... you can never know what to expect from him. he can be sooooooo good, but then suddenly, he'll play the game non stop until when it almost finish shift, then only, he will stop the games. he'll be bleeding non stop, make u a mad women, trying your hard to get the blood to arrive on time before its too late, before he loss volume for his heart to pump, before the surgeon yell at you for re-open, before everybody panic, before the blade cut thru his chest again, before the sucker on, before the TEAM come.... owh.. to avoid all this... is HARD. there is time, when EMERGENCY occur, even theconsultant will scrub in to safe a life. even that particular consultant- who is helping- is not in charge of him... TEAMWORK.. you need this everywhere, but here... you need it 24/7. no compromise... u cant work alone darling, you need you friends to be around.. you need them.. it is not easy to get thru 7hours, what else if u have 10hours of sleepless night... your neighbour might be your BIGGEST enemy, but when it comes to save a life... you will forget that... and continue the fight later... the feeling is unspeakeable .... when he survive, you survive..

kadang selalu tidak pasti, kadang yang telah diputuskan, apakah yang terbaik untuk kita? hidup bila mencari selalu sukar, tetapi bila mengendahkan, terasa kosong. jadi harus bagaimana?
perasaan, satu konteks yang tiada betul, tiada salah. apa yang di rasa, tiada siapa boleh sangkal. masing-masing punya firasat sendiri, masing-masing fikir... tiada salahnya berkongsi, mana tahu ada yang terbuka mindanya. kamu , bila ada cinta bertandang.. usahalah.. mana tahu dia untukmu.. kerana tanpa usaha... mungkin jadi sia-sia... jangan sampai bila dia berpunya, baru rasa kehilangan.. tika itu mungkin segalanya terlambat... jangan bilang padaku, aku memaksa... kerana tidak sama sekali... aku cuma bercerita.. tentang hati.. tentang aku.. tentang kau.. tentang dia.... tentang cinta.. tentang hidup .. kamu , semua tentang kamu indah , tiada yang kurang dari pandangan mata, memang bisa terliur mana-mana pria.... :) kan?
aku tahu ada satu cinta, dia bukan untukmu.... dia bukan untuk siapa-siapa.. tetapi, bagaimana harus kau kata tidak padanya... kerana dia agak sukar untuk kau tidakkan .... ini hidup , sekarang kamu laluinya.... jadikan ia indah, walau kamu tidak mahu.... isi harimu dengan ceria.... dunia tidak kejam... pasti ada kebaikan .. dalam semua yang tidak baik... kan?
makanya disini, terpulang padamu, jalan yang bagaimana ingin kau pilih, yang penuh duri-duri yang menyesakkan dada setiap kali kau tersungkur, atau jalan yang bisa buat kau bernafas walau dalam air ... kau pilih ...

sendiri itu perlu, kadang2 aku rasa ingin lari dari semua.. lari.. hilang.... pergi ke dunia yang cuma ada aku, dan orang sekeliling yang tidak ambil peduli. kadang, terfikir sediri, akan adakah yang mencari? selain darah merahku, adakah yang akan ambil peduli?

ive found peace, just to be there next to you.
just to look at your pretty face, pretty fingers, pretty lips, it was perfect to me.
dont have to reach for me, dont have to touch me.. cause ill be with only skin.... for you.
i know this is not what you want from me, i know you want the bestest, that i should get ... i know.. but, you are the bestest so far, and i dont want you to stop.
you break my heart, few times, you never know when, you never realize, i act cool most of the times, i dont want you to look at me as if im weak... ill be strong for you.. ill be strong.. for myself..
it was a different view of heartache, i can never have you, you are sooo fucking gorgeous, heavenly suave, and i dont think im good enough for you...
my life is simple, your life is heaven and hell in between ...